Wowza i havent posted in a long time.
I feel an extensive rant comming on...

So just an update with life.
I findz a job :)
finally..

I have been upgraded from a jobless-bum to a useless Winners employee.
WATCH OUT WORLD HERE I COME!!!! x_X

I guess you start somehwere, right?

regardless im stoaked to have finally gotten hired, i thought it would NEVER happen.
...liz, that room beside yours is looking nicer everday :) lolol.

What else...

Oh, for some reason ive been going through an extreme gansta period, ive been listening to The game, eminem, dre... LOTS.
and ive been diging the gangsta style lately.
they have some fresh clothes styll.
Im thinking about getting 'THUG' tattooed. ive been thinking about it for a couple months now...
reasoning behind it you may ask...

well im a rabid Weeds fan (the show in this case)..and theres a scene where nancy (the main char) is gettin a tattoo in honour of her friend U-turn...anyways..
shes talking to the tattoo artist and she says
they way ive been living i shoudl get thug tattooed
and the artist replies....dont u mean love.

nancy says.., no.....thug, it means u dont have to appologize for anything.
love means your constantly appoligizing for everything.

some reason that struck me as brilliant, i have gone through enuff shit in my life i deserve to not appologive for what i do.
i deserve to live how i want and do things that i feel are worth doing.

and if that means getting THUG tattooed....
so be it.

Ive also started printing tshirts.
Ive made 2 so far.
One stating...'Obama is my homeboy'
and the other 'Thats Sad' in honour of the hills :)

i think im taking this up as a new hobby, its so much fun and i can make some wicked t shirts.
maybe sell some ???
muahahah.


I havent been to moody lately, which is suprising,
i think its cuz ive had a steady supply of weed,
that shit keeps me sane.

you do not wanna be in my way in the morning when ive gone 3 days without blazing,
i get pretty brutal lol.

this is good cuz during the summer i was as loopy as whitney houston circa 2000, fucking nuts.
i was considering going to see a psych..but i know what would happen
he woudl be like..OH
your bi-polar (and maybe other thigns :S )
give me meds.
and i wouldnt take them.

reasoning why,
i dont want to depend on pills so much to control my moods, which is part of me.
its really unsettling when you cant control urself.
so i think for now im sticking to dealing with it myself.

also i think cuz this summer was FUCKED.
lots of drinking and smoking, this prolly also contributed to my Whitney houston-ness

w.e im allready over it.

i need to smoke a bowl.

till next time all you ianvain stalkers.
xoxo




kai that was gay but u know what i mean...... :P

I pressed the hot needle tip to my skin.

We held hands on the last night on earth.
Our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees,
screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves.
It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated
along the bottom of the river.
So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea
and the shattered seasons lay,
and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease.
In our cancer of passion you said, "Death is a midnight runner."
The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide.
We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes
of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress.
The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn
as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop.
The few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime.
I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked
if you would accompany me in a quick fall,
but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two.
I rode alone.
You said, "The cinders are falling like snow."
There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty,
bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence.
Of blue and grey.
Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city.
The sun was stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon
and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines.
Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward,
and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched
into the earth like a message.
 

-AFI

...  we are the ones who have A Fire Inside.

We are the ones only we can recognize
Weve been rejected
Weve been rejected


As of 20 mins ago I was standing on my couch
Broken broom stick in hand
And Tv on full blast

Screaming my heart out to AFI, live in Long Beach...dvd

I cant recall anythign that makes me happier 
than listening to AFI

Its a feeling I get, not quite sure what feeling it is though

I guess a super-feeling, composed of many different layers of emotion.

There music makes me feel like im a part of something.
A hxc AFI fan knows that 'AFI' isnt just a band
it really becomes a part of you.
The AFI community is so loyal to what AFI is all about
They stay true to there music, and I think thats a huge part of why im so
drawn to them

They have been a band since 1995, showing up in the Californian punk scene.
Since then they have explored there creativity by almost changing genres every so album
Being hardcore punk then transformign into somethign more than just punk
they showed more undertones to there music
it became somethign so dark and amazing
There lyrics were like a spell to me
I was absoutly mesmerized by every song
The sorrow they managed to incorporate into there music was something
more than i could fathom
Yet, I understood it
It grow in me, and bvecame a part of me.

There most recent album that was out when I really got into them
was The Art of Drowning.
From the intense begining to the sombre ending of Morningstar
that album still remains somethign so amazing in my heart

Then came the release of Sing The Sorrow
An apparent out of order concept to the death of Davey Havok;
Lead singer of A Fire Inside.

I say this whole heartitly, and with the extent of music that I have come to know in my life in mind
that
Sing The Sorrow is one of the best albums every written in the history of music
I didnt think this when I had first heard it
But after becoming attached emotionally to the songs you realise that
this is somethign more that music
you can almost feel the autobiography of death in it
The amount and intensity of emotion in each song
is almost unbearable sometimes
I usualy cry at least 3 times while listening to this album...

And then Decemberunderground
Made me see and know another side of AFI that I had never been able to explore befor
I had mostly been exposed to the happiness that could be found in the darker side
of life
but Decemberunderground was more like a collage
of new emotions that explored the life, as opposed to death, of a character repressenting D.U.
I felt that the songs were more like the scenes of someones life and although
lyrics still reamined tragic at times, it really showed what AFI had grown into.
There music was so a part of there lives that I felt like i knew everysingle
member of the band, whether through instrument or the mesmerizing vocals
of Davey Havok I could feel the true souls of them in there music.

You see, 
every album conveyed somethign new
but somehow they managed to keep a fire burning
inside there music,
one that is consistent in each

I guess I would say its almost a comfort to know that I have somethign that
will for the most part stay the same, 
such a thign is hard to come by now a days
the world moves fatser than ever
and a new fad becomes a part of culture each day

but AFI remains the same in my eyes
a clutter of poetry
sorrow
death
and life

Im not sure if I could ever really explain how it makes me feel
like somethign I cant feel with anythign else
it make me feel

please remind me to not write on live journal when im wasted as fuck

geeeeeeeeeeeeeeze

he says 'your not supposed to eb drinking my cooolers'

,your not supposed to be drikning my alcohol'

WOW whar a greta example to leave fpor you r kids,
your a fucking alcoholic and your a dead beat


ohhhh what i always wanted

i drink cuz i vant deal with the realithy of my life

it suxs and i know thagt very sooon i have to pull myself
together and become something

i want to be an art teaccher
i want to pass my wisdome and learning sof my life onto others
especially teeens who woudl be going throught he same things i am
which is DRAMA
i woudl liek to be able to connect with them and let thwm know the tru 
emanigin of ART

expression

involvment

talent

these 3 qualities i look for in a successeful student who may choose the same path as i did

I FUCKING HATE MY PARENTS

THEY NEED TO GROW THE FUCK UP AND SHUT THE FUCK UP

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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